Bryan Lindenberger

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Friday, November 25, 2016

Nature Trail VS Your Backyard - A Behavioral Guide

I'm trying to have fun with this. But it's frustrating to have time off from work and finally soak up the sounds of nature in a nearby state park, preserve, or conservation area - maybe some bird spotting and pictures - and then have The Louds arrive.

Couldn't they carry on with their obnoxious behavior at home? In their yards, perhaps. Is this really the place? If they only wanted to hear themselves and carry on as they do at home and work, then come here?

Think of this as Public Service Announcement.

What to Do at a Nature Park

  1. Hike
  2. Walk
  3. Soak in nature
  4. Decompress with a good sweat
  5. Look, listen, and leave nothing behind but your footprints
  6. Stop to look and listen again - bet you missed something amazing!
  7. Hold hands with your children or your lover, and point out beautiful things to them

What to Do in Your Backyard

  1. Talk loudly about your job, about friends, about anything
  2. Get stupidly drunk
  3. Laugh obnoxiously with relatives over witty jokes you made such as "Working hard? You mean, hardly working! Bwahahahaha!"
  4. Show off loudly to your boyfriend
  5. Show off to your loudly girlfriend
  6. Threaten to thrash your obnoxious kids with a belt
  7. Throw your water bottles, beer cans, double fried pig chip wrappers, or any other crap you brought with you around
  8. Not just hush up for 5 minutes ... really, you don't disappear if your jaw isn't flapping for just...five...minutes....

Look. There are places to discuss business mergers on your cell phone loudly enough to impress your boyfriend, girlfriend, and anyone else within earshot while cackling and guffawing over the the dumb joke you made for the fifteenth time. It's called The Rest of America. Do it there. These preserves are for people who want to get away from all that, and away from you too.


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